On lunch listening to Pandora in my car, absorbing the lyrics. Right now "Half Crazy" is flowing through my speakers... how appropriate. Today I smile even though I don't want to... I don't think I've ever faked so much in my life, even alone I suppress the urge to cry,perhaps I fear someone may walk by and then that "Jennifer is crying in her car" gossip will float around the office and before I know HR will call me down to make sure my issue isnt work related. Okay a bit far off but maybe I subconsciously believe that crying is equal to letting go? Technically it is... its how you let go of situations hurting you, but I'm not good at letting it all out. It's likely that I just feel like crying makes me look like a punk, and since there isn't a punk atom in the make-up of my body I refuse the luxury of tears falling as often as I can. Idk. A combination of all three perhaps? If I didn't love you I wouldn't have to fight myself... why can't my heart and mind be in agreeance? Your's clearly is. I wish I didn't love you.
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