June 21st

As I lay across my bed typing this my body tenses up, I feel flushed  and empty while I suppress the tears that fighting for their right to free themselves from my ducts and trickle down my face. I'm hurt, but I don't want to cry; afraid of showing weakness even when no one's around to see it. People read though. I just don't know how let it go, let him go. I suppose I'm trying perhaps not as fervently as necessary cause whatever I feel for him is deep... it runs throughout my being and I wish it would go away. I want it to end because no matter how many times he says I am beautiful or he cares, he doesn't show it. Lifehouse sings about a mutual love in the background... a love that I have yet to find. A tear breaks free from my left eye, I can't even control my tears... I seem to always fall alone when I fall. So why do I hang onto a fantasy? I know better. My emotions cripple reason and I fall deeper everyday.